Three to four million American women are beaten each year by their present or former intimate partners. In fact, battery is the single greatest cause of serious injury to women — more than auto accidents, rapes, and muggings combined. Because domestic violence happens behind closed doors, many women who are beaten by their husbands or dates suffer in silence, sometimes for years, before seeking counseling or legal assistance.
     Violent relationships often follow a predictable pattern. At first, the abuser showers a woman with constant attention. Though a woman often interprets this behavior as love and affection, the abuser uses it to control her and isolate her from her family and friends. Later, the abuser criticizes her and calls her names. This is the abuser’s way to make her feel less confident about herself and more dependent on him. Usually, by the time physical abuse occurs, the woman has invested a great deal of time and emotion in the relationship and may also be financially dependent on her abuser.
    Typically, after a violent incident, the abuser is apologetic and vows never to hurt his partner again. However, no matter what an abuser promises, violence erupts again and again in the relationship and escalates over time.

The Law
     New Jersey’s expanded domestic violence law protects a person over 18 or an emancipated minor who is abused or harassed by a person in any of a number of relationships with her. For example, it protects a woman abused by a present or former husband or by a man with whom she has parented a child or is bearing a child. It also protects her against a lesbian lover or anyone else who shared the household. If she is elderly, for example, it applies to her caretaker. A recent amendment now applies the law to minors and adults of any age who experience abuse in a dating relationship. A recent statute prohibits insurers from denying health benefits to victims of domestic violence.

The law provides legal relief against such acts as:

• Assault: causing or attempting to cause bodily injury, such as by hitting, kicking, or throwing something at the victim.
• Criminal Mischief: intentionally damaging property belonging to another, such as breaking a door or slashing tires.
• Harassment: repeated and annoying contacts, such as at inconvenient hours or in another way that causes alarm.

     Other acts of domestic violence include kidnapping (transport of the victim), false imprisonment (intent to prevent the victim from leaving any particular place), sexual assault, burglary, criminal trespass, lewdness, threats of physical or property damage, criminal sexual contact, and stalking.
     To protect yourself against the danger of domestic violence of the types just mentioned, you can seek a temporary restraining order (TRO) that can do one or more of the following:

• forbid the abuser from entering the shared home.
• forbid him from contacting you and your family.
• make any resumed contact with the children conditional on a showing that this poses no unreasonable risks to the children.
• require him to pay support for you and the children and any emergency rent that you now face.
• give you temporary custody of the children. (Do not back down if your abuser threatens to take the children if you leave him. The law presumes that it is in the best interests of the children to be with the victim.)
• require him to pay you for any losses you incur as a result of the attack, such as medical expenses, moving expenses, lawyer’s fees, or money spent to repair damaged property.
• require him to receive alcohol, drug or psychological counseling.
• forbid him to possess a handgun.
• require him to turn over to you the car, a key, a checkbook, or other necessary items.

     If your abuser is jailed but later released, the police must immediately notify you so you can decide if you need to take precautions.
     The state has recently created the "Address Confidentiality Program" in which a victim of domestic abuse can now maintain the confidentiality of her whereabouts by having the Secretary of State provide a mailing address and forward any correspondence to the registrant.

What to Do
If you are endangered by domestic violence:

• Protect your safety and that of your children. Consider what steps you may need to take, such as moving or changing your phone number to an unlisted number.
• Call the police and file a report as soon as you can safely do so after the domestic violence occurs. 
• Get the officer’s name and badge number and contact the same officer about any subsequent incidents, if he or she is available.
• Tell the police about any prior domestic violence regardless of whether you reported it or not.
• Ask the police to press charges. Police called to a residence must arrest the abuser if the victim exhibits signs of injury or if it appears that a weapon was involved in the violence.
• Consider entering the Address Confidentiality Program described above. To do so, submit an affidavit to the Secretary of State’s office in Trenton stating that you are a victim of domestic violence and in fear of your safety, and request permission to use an address provided by the Secretary of State. The address will be kept confidential. The Secretary’s office will forward your mail to your confidential address. You must re-certify for this program every four years. Under another new law, a victim of domestic violence, sexual assault, or stalking may also use a post office box on her driver’s license and automobile registration rather than a street address.
• Get a TRO. To do so during business hours, go to the courthouse, either in the county where you live, where the domestic violence occurred, where your abuser lives, or where you are sheltered. Ask an intake processor at the Superior Court, Family Part, to help you with the forms. The police will also help you get a TRO at other hours in an emergency.
• Be sure that your Complaint states one or more specific acts of domestic violence and mentions one or more types of relief you are seeking, such as those mentioned earlier.
• If the TRO provides that the abuser be forbidden from going to your shared home, include a proposed time and means by which the abuser can enter the shared residence and remove his belongings under the supervision of a police officer.
• You need not fear the risk of serving the TRO on your abuser; the court will do so.
• Gather and preserve all evidence.
• Have photos taken if you have visible injuries.
• Obtain a medical report to document injury.
• Attend the hearing that will be scheduled within ten days.
• Ask the court to provide permanent restraints. The temporary restraints will be in place only until the hearing date.
• If you have no income, tell the judge of this emergency and request that the issue of your support be decided immediately. Otherwise, even if you are asking for support and custody for your children, a judge will often set a later date for deciding these matters.
• If your abuser does not obey the terms of the order, call the police immediately. The police can arrest your abuser and put him in jail.

Resources
     Many counties offer free emergency shelter for victims who feel they must leave home to be safe from abuse.

To get more information about the resources in your area, call:

• Statewide Domestic Violence Hotline operated by Womanspace Inc. 24 hour Hotline: 800-572-SAFE---bilingual and TDD equipped for the hearing impaired.
• New Jersey Coalition For Battered Women 609-584-8107
• For a listing of Battered Women’s Shelters by county, see the Appendix.

     More than a million women are stalked in the United States every year. According to the FBI, more than 90 percent of women who were killed by a husband or boyfriend in 1991 were stalked beforehand.

The Law
     While stalking usually has sexual overtones, that is not part of the legal definition of the crime. Stalking involves offensive conduct consisting either of repeatedly maintaining a visual or physical proximity to a person or conveying verbal or written threats.
     Stalking is a fourth degree crime when it is purposeful, directed at a specific person, would cause a reasonable person to fear bodily injury or death to herself or to a member of her immediate family, and when the perpetrator acts knowingly, recklessly, or negligently in arousing such fear. A court will issue a temporary restraining order (TRO) to enjoin the stalker from further contact (directly or through a third person) with the victim or her immediate family. The problem rises to a third degree crime if the stalking continues in violation of a court order or when the defendant is found guilty of repeated violations against the same person.

What to Do
     Each situation needs to be evaluated based on all the facts. When a person is annoying you with unusual attention, your good judgment may lead you to conclude that this is merely a harmless annoyance — perhaps an unwanted, would-be suitor whose communications and gifts seem foolish but nothing more. But sometimes there are extra warning signs that make you fearful about your safety as to this suitor. A stalker who is not sexually motivated might be someone who seems to be watching you out of spite, perhaps spying, making hang-up phone calls, or sending anonymous letters. If the circumstances in either case give you cause for fear or anxiety about what might happen, you probably have good reason to become concerned. Your goals should be to a) protect yourself and b) bring such acts to an end – with the law’s help if necessary. To do so, the following steps are recommended:
     Remember that the law regards stalking as a form of domestic violence. Adapt as many of the steps described above for responding to domestic violence as may apply to the particular stalking situation. The following are additional steps:

• Avoid giving the stalker the attention that he seeks.
• Avoid a response or gesture that may be misinterpreted.
• Be wary of confrontations that put you at risk if his actions or anger get out of hand.
• Don’t assume that because you know him, he is not dangerous.
• File a report with the police as soon as someone starts stalking you.
• In filing a police report, request a restraining order if you know the identity of the stalker.
• If the stalker has made an overt threat, ask police to press charges against him.

     The FBI estimates that one rape is committed in this country every six minutes. And because so many rapes go unreported, many officials believe the true rate in the United States is at least twice this official rape count. The 1990 National Crime Survey estimates that of the known rapes, 58 percent were committed by someone the victim knew, including a spouse or boyfriend, and 35 percent took place in the victim’s own home.

The Law
     New Jersey law defines criminal sexual assault as penetration of a victim by an assailant by force. Sexual penetration includes not only sexual intercourse, but a range of acts that invade another’s body, such as inserting a hand, finger, or object into the genital area of the victim. The only force necessary for a sexual assault to occur is the force inherent in the act of sexual penetration. This means that if a woman submits to a sexual assault out of fear, she is no less a victim of sexual assault. She does not need to prove that she resisted. The law does not distinguish between strangers and acquaintances. A sexual assault is a criminal act even if the assailant is known to you. The New Jersey Supreme Court has said that permission to engage in sexual penetration must be affirmative and freely given, but can be inferred by actions, statements, and surrounding circumstances.
     Where a defendant admits that he had sexual relations with the victim but claims it was with the victim’s consent, the focus of the proceeding will be on the defendant’s use of force and whether, under all the circumstances, his belief that there was consent was reasonable.
     If it is claimed that a victim lacked the capacity to consent to sexual relations (for example, that she was mentally incompetent) the focus is on whether the victim had a) knowledge that the conduct was sexual, b) an understanding that one has a right to refuse to engage in sex, and c) the ability to assert that right.
     In prosecutions for sexual assault, restrictions have been imposed on the use of evidence of a victim’s previous sexual conduct. Evidence of a sexual relation with a third party is not relevant unless it relates to the source of semen, a pregnancy, or disease. Prior conduct with the defendant is only relevant if a reasonable person, knowing what the defendant knew, might have believed that the conduct was freely and affirmatively permitted. Evidence of sexual conduct occurring more than one year before the offense is presumed to be inadmissible.
     A person who sexually penetrates another while knowing that he has a sexually transmissible disease and who has not first gotten the informed consent of the other person is guilty of a fourth degree crime. A person who accuses another person of certain types of sexual assault may have that person tested for AIDS once the individual is formally charged, indicted or convicted of the offense.

What to Do
     When no weapon is involved, resistance tactics — talking, screaming, fleeing, pushing, kicking, and hitting — are highly successful in preventing an assault. If your assailant has a weapon, briefly assess the situation. Evaluate whether a possible avenue of escape exists and whether you should take the risk involved in attempting an escape. If you do resist, do so early and by using multiple tactics, which may not necessarily mean physically fighting back, unless you are physically competent.
     If you have been sexually assaulted, get to a safe place. Report the incident to the police immediately. Delay could mean lost medical evidence. Seek immediate medical attention for possible injuries and sexually transmitted diseases. Do not bathe, shower, douche, change your clothes, eat, drink, smoke, or urinate if possible.
     Remember that sexual assault is traumatic and it is normal to experience some or all of the following reactions: emotional shock, fear and anger, anxiety, helplessness, guilt, shame, and concerns about sexual intimacy.
     These feelings may come and go. Returning to your regular routines may take quite some time. Be patient with yourself and seek emotional support to help you through the crisis. Consult a civil attorney specializing in sexual assault for possible legal action against your assailant.

Resources

• For more information about sexual assault, contact: The New Jersey Coalition Against Sexual Assault 732-418-1354

     A women should know the law regarding child abuse in order to evaluate the behavior of herself and her partner and to protect herself against allegations of abuse. A child less than 18 years old is abused or neglected if the parent or guardian does or allows anyone else to do any of the following to the child:

• Inflict physical injury (including excessive corporal punishment) which causes or creates a substantial risk of serious injury or emotional impairment.
• Create a substantial or ongoing risk of physical injury which is likely to cause death or serious bodily injury.
• Sexually abuse the child.
• Impair the child’s physical, mental, or emotional condition by failure to exercise even minimum care a) in supplying the child with adequate food, clothing, shelter, education, or medical care (even though financially able to do so), or b) in providing the child with proper supervision.
• Abandon the child.

     These topics and the process of removing a child temporarily from a parent’s care or of permanently terminating parental rights are discussed in the chapter on Family Issues.

What to Do
     If you know or suspect that a child has been or is being abused, call to report your observation: Division of Youth and Family Service (DYFS) 800-792-8610